Really Bad Jokes

What do you call cheese thats not yours? Nacho cheese

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck

Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the p iss out of the undies

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him

 

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

 

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

 

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy."

 

3 blokes walked into a bar, you reckon one of them would have seen it!

Did you hear about the bloke with dyslexia? He walked into a bra.

 

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."


I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.


A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".


Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.


Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."


Two elephants walk off a cliff...
boom, boom!


Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think it’s Colin.


Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.


Two aerials meet on a rooftop – fall in love – get married.
The ceremony was crap but the Reception was brilliant.


A man walked into the doctor’s, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places."
The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore."


Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”