Wait until you see the second Policeman!

 

Exquisite British humour!!    The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.  The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'   The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular  ' Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'   The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.   'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired..'   She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'   This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.   The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.  You hold the fork in the wrong hand.  You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.   And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window'.     .

 

Vote Greens

 

A new poem by Pam Ayres

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers, Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers, Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits.   'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning. It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning, And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits   'Cos tits can be such troublesome things When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing. And although they go well with my Bingo wings, I wish I'd looked after me tits.   When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow, When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low, When they're less of a friend and more of a foe, Then I wish I'd looked after me tits.   When I was young I got whistles and hoots, From the men on the site to the men in the suits, Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits   When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters, Cruising around with my favourite suitors. Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters, I wish I'd looked after me tits..   When they follow behind and get trapped in the door, When they're less in the air and more near the floor, When people see less of them rather than more, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits

 

 

The River Man tab

 

capo 3  -  5/4 time

 

INTRO:  starts with 4 measures of A/E

 A/E

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -

0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -

1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 &

 

VERSES:     note where the words come in

 Am/E                                     Gm

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -

- 1 - - 1 1 - - 1 -|- 1 - - 1 1 - - 1 -|- 3 - - 3 3 - - 3 -|- 3 - - 3 3 - - 3 -

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 3 - - 5 5 - - 5 -|- 3 - - 5 5 - - 5 -

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 5 - - 5 5 - - 5 -|- 5 - - 5 5 - - 5 -

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -

0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|3 - - 3 - - 3 3 - -|3 - - 3 - - 3 3 - -

1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 &

 

            Bet-ty  came on by her way            Said she had a word to say

            Said she hadn't heard the news        Hadn't had the time to choose

            Gonna see the riverman                Gonna tell him all I can

            If he tells me all he knows           'Bout the way his river flows

            Betty said she prayed today           For the sky to blow away

            For when she thought of summer rain   Calling for her mind again

            Gonna see the riverman                Gonna tell him all I can

            If he tells me all he knows           'Bout the way his river flows

 

 

  F                                       A/E

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -

- 1 - - 1 1 - - 1 -|- 1 - - 1 1 - - 1 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -

- 3 - - 3 3 - - 3 -|- 3 - - 3 3 - - 3 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -

1 - - 1 - - 1 1 - -|1 - - 1 - - 1 1 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -

1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 &

 

            'bout things today                       and fallen leaves

            A way to lose                            what she believes

            About the plan                           for lilac time

            And all night shows                      in summertime

            Or maybe stay,                           she wasn't sure

            She lost the pain,                       and stayed for more

            About the ban                            on feeling free

            I don't suppose                          it's meant for me

 

At the end:

A/E                                     A(dim5)/E

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- 0 - - 0 0 - - 0 -|

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 4 - - 4 4 - - 4 -|- 4 - - 4 4 - - 4 -|

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|

- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- 2 - - 2 2 - - 2 -|- - - - 2 2 - - 2 -|

- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|- - - - - - - - - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|

0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|0 - - 0 - - 0 0 - -|- - - - - - - - - -|

1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5 &

 

            Oh how they come and go

            Oh how they come and go

 

Notes:  The last chord (Adim5/E) is also used at the end of verses 4 and 8

         Use both forms but not necessarily in that order

 

Exquisite British humour!!

The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.  The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'   The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular  ' Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'   The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.   'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired..'   She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'   This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.   The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.  You hold the fork in the wrong hand.  You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.   And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window'.     .